거북이 (초4남) WM 사용후기

6월달 청담WM을 신청해서 해보았습니다   여러가지 동영상 강의도 경험해보고 나름대로 괜찮은 거 같았음당   에세이를 첨 써보기도 하고 이런 글의 형식은 어떤것인지도 알수있었구요   아래 토픽으로 글을 썼는데 문법도 여섯군데가 틀렸다고 알려주고   (거북이가 주로 관사부분이 약하고 단수복수 정확히 쓰지않는다는 것을 알   았습니다) 내용면에서 부족한 점도 커멘트를 해주더군요   에세이를 준비하는 학생들에게는 도움이 많이될거 같았습니다   그런데 거북이는 아직 어린 초등학생   애 아빠는 벌써부터 이런 형식에 아이를 너무 길들이면 오히려 창의적인 글   을 쓰는데 방해가 될지도 모른다는 염려를 하더군요   그래서 좀더 자유로운 글쓰기를 하다가 나중에 정말 이런 짜임새 있는 에세   이를 써야 할때 도움을 받기로 결정했습니다         If you opened your own restaurant, would you prefer to sell fast-food, or fancy food? Write a five-paragraph essay, giving specific reasons and details to support your answer. 거북이 글    I don´t really know a lot of thing about what food will be the best to sell at the restaurant. But I went many fast-food restaurants ,like Mcdonalds, and know some benefits about them. Therefore,If I have my own restaurant,I´m going to sell fastfood. I have 3 reasons to tell you why.  First, people only want to have their foods as fast as they could. And busy people don´t have much time to eat. Also, fast-foods are very cheap. So people likes to eat fast-foods. Then I´ll have a lot of customers and I´ll earn a lot of money!  Second, there are less money to pay for the cooking utensils. That´s because fast-foods usually use simple ways to make.   At last, I need less employee for me to work in a restaurant. You know, when you go to Mcdonalds, for example, they make your food and you have to take your food and bring it to the table. You think it´s normal to do that, but I read it from the book and it said that it can reduce the amount of employee salary, because there is less work to do for employees.  As a resault, I´m going to sell fast-foods. And nowadays, people think fast-foods are bad for their health and don´t like to go to the fast-food restaurant. Maybe I´ll invent the fast-food which is good for our health and sell them in my restaurant! Then it will be a big suceed for me!
Hello 민균, your organization was good which made it easy to read. You had three good reasons, but remember to support them with relevant examples or explanations. Your second reason would have been better if you supported it in detail. I am happy with this essay because you used clear paragraphs. Your readers can easily understand where your reasons begin and end. I have no doubts that I will see even better work from you next time. Best of luck to you!